Tad is here, and that is good. Vlora is a very pretty city -I could see this place being huge with tourists someday. It is right on the coast, the water is a pretty blue and very clear. The people are all nice, friendly and helpful. There is a lot of building going on across the street from the beaches (condos, apartments, etc.) and you can imagine that buying property here will likely someday increase tons in value. I could see it being a cruise port someday. For now, it's pretty low-key. There are ferries to Italy and Greece, but we never got to try those out.
We went one day about 10 miles south of the city to have lunch and see some of the coast. That is it for the sightseeing though, too busy with everything else I guess. Tad has been loving the food - lots and lots and lots of seafood. Fish of who knows what kind, calamari, shrimp and I don't even know what all. Not something we eat at home typically as I don't eat any seafood. I think he has had it for almost every meal. Our hotel has one of the best seafood restaurants in town (so they say) - that's also the one that has pasta, so luckily I'm able to eat too. Yesterday we found a restaurant that served grilled steak -or so they said, it was actually a pork chop. We also tried eating a hamburger and french fries once at a fast food restaurant and Tad took one bite and said we're leaving. It was actually about the scariest looking thing and the fries were ice cold! I mean like refrigerated cold. Nasty. We found a pizza place that makes pizza with slices of salami - it's pretty good.
I have tons and tons of pictures from the orphanage today - I will post them later. They are of all the kids on Will's floor. Some of them are hard to get pictures of as they don't like them, others love having their pictures taken. If anyone gets referred a child from Vlora I'll have lots of pictures to send to them. I took a bunch of videos too. We brought a slinky and some bubbles there today which all the kids seemed to like.
Yesterday when we came there were about 4 kids left -actually the same 4 that are pretty much always separate from the larger group - Will, Jenny, Emi & Hava. The other kids color and stuff in the one room, not these four. So yesterday, as near as I can tell, all the other kids went to a playground somewhere, and as it seems to us, the "problem" kids got left behind. Maybe we are wrong and Will was left as they figured we'd come to see him, although I had told them earlier in the week that I wanted him to go with to the playground so I'm not sure what's up with that.
All the kids got haircuts yesterday -if I hadn't known before which were boys and which were girls (especially as their are no "boys" or "girls" clothes -they all wear the same clothes), I would have thought they were all boys I think. They pretty much all got it cut short. They look cute though.
I guess the other family had their court date yesterday for the little girl they are adopting. I'm assuming it went well, however we haven't seen them since Saturday, which is kind of weird. It's just not that big of a place. Hopefully we will see them again tomorrow.
Well, we have taken a number of videos and had a lot of people (many of which are professionals) review them. Most recently we heard back from our pediatrician at the International Adoption Clinic at the University of MN. He obviously works with adopted children and has seen a number of them from eastern Europe. He has reviewed all the videos and the information that I've relayed to him about what I've seen since being here and his opinion is that he is very concerned as the behavior is very consistent with that of autism, and says that we shouldn't proceed if we feel that we cannot parent a child with autism. He said we need to seriously consider whether or not we feel we have the resources to parent a child that would be an enormous amount of work, be an enormous time commitment and have little positive feedback from the child.
So, that was pretty great to hear. Not. We had been very clear with Bethany from the start that we were looking to adopt a healthy child, and that minor correctable types of needs (eyes, hearing, etc.) were fine. We fully expected that any child raised in an orphanage will have a number of delays. We relied upon the information provided by Bethany that described him as a healthy child, friendly, sociable and that outlined things that he could do (point to body parts, play with toys, play among other children, write with a pencil, etc.) This information was as recent as September and was signed by the doctor that Bethany has on staff in Albania. I even specifically asked our social worker before we left to make sure that no one thought he had any problems other than typical cognitive/developmental delays for any orphanage children.
Bethany does an extremely thorough job of screening prospective parents. We were looked into for pretty much everything you can think of - income, our thoughts, our past history, medical, our families, etc. etc. etc. We specifically chose a large, well-respected company as we wanted to ensure that we had a trustworthy organization to work with. We wanted a company that has a presence in the country we were choosing to adopt from as well, as opposed to one that doesn't - we figured it was one more way to safeguard the whole process.
We worked like crazy over the past year and a half to be able to pay the costs upfront so that when we came home with our son, we'd be able to enjoy life with him, not be saddled with a large debt to pay off. Tad has worked more hours a week in this past year than alot of people work in three, so that we could afford to take the required TWO MONTHS off from work, and again, pay our bills and travel costs up front so as not to come home and be stuck with the bills. I've put all my clients on hold, which will require starting from scratch with them, as of course they can't wait to have appraisals done, they move on to the next available appraiser. The business we've built over the past 4 years will be back to where we were in the beginning. Again, as we told Bethany we were working a ton so that when we got home, we could have normal schedules and spend time together as a family.
To adopt Will would mean that I for sure could not work. He will absolutely require full time care. Additionally, there is no way that one person could handle him and not go completely crazy, so we'd have to hire help. There would of course be tons of therapy/medical expenses. Tad would need to continue to work around the clock to support a family that he would never see. I would never see him, he would never be able to be with Will. He would be bitter that all he does it work, and I would be bitter that all I do is care for our child with little positive feedback (as the doctor said).
Tad's health could not take that sort of work schedule for the next umpteen years. I know his doctors at Mayo would say the same thing. And what if something happened to him? He has always told me that he will need heart surgery again -he won't be able to work after that for who knows how long - how would that work? Then we'd have three people living on no income.
Will needs a family that can accept that he will likely need a lot of help. Maybe someone younger than us would be good -we're 41, what if in 20-25 years he's still very much a child -we'll be nearing retirement, how will we take care of him full-time then? If it takes us 10 years to get used to all the care he needs, we'd be well past the point where we could have other children too.
I don't know, maybe this is all trying to justify it, this has been no easy decision. We are pretty much heartbroken about the whole thing and there is no winning. We either take him, which we know we can't afford physically, mentally, emotionally, or financially, or we leave him, which will be crushing. I don't know how we get over this. Bethany is of course, not accepting any blame or fault, which doesn't help either. Alma, another of the Bethany reps here, actually said that we shouldn't have expected him to be OK from the information that was sent. What???
Bob, one of the houseparents in Tirana, has told us that he doesn't think that Will is OK. The workers at the orphanage think he's not OK too. We've met a lady who works for the Italian equivalent of Bethany who knows all the kids too, and she knows he's not OK. Albana who works with Hope for the World has said she knows he's not OK. The director of the orphanage (Olta) also has said so. So that means that pretty much everyone knows that this poor little boy was not a healthy child. Why Agim & Bob wrote a report saying that he was "normal" is anyone's guess. Who knows who at Bethany knew what. Someone needs to take some responsibility though. It has put us in a situation that I would not wish on anyone. This is the absolute worst. I hope hope hope that no other family ever goes through this -I seriously cannot for the life of me, see how to ever come to terms with this.
Someone from Bethany (Bob, Alma, etc.) calls everyday to ask how we are doing -well, guess what, we're not doing well. What are we supposed to say? And let's think about this -what happens with all the money we have invested in this? Are we just supposed to walk away from that? Are we supposed to trust Bethany again, to start over? And now we have wasted 1 1/2 years on this, we're not getting younger. Can we please catch a break?
While we have been here our dog Griff died too, which is devastating too. We are just not meant to be here I guess. We'll come home to miss our dog, and have a bedroom filled with things for a child we don't have, and then what? Think and wonder and second guess about whether or not we did the right thing forever? This sucks sucks sucks.
Tad had been insisting that he wanted Will seen by a specialist, someone that was trained by American standards (there are some of these pediatricians in Tirana for the Americans living here). He had been asking for a week and no one from Bethany made any calls. Tad told them they had until yesterday (so 9 days since he had starting telling them he wanted it) morning to get it set up. They never called to set anything up until yesterday afternoon, by which time Tad had already told them forget it. At this point we pretty much don't trust anything coming from Bethany. He had asked for a doctor to look at his ears and we finally had one a doctor show up last Friday who said he was healthy physically (which we already knew) but that he wasn't qualified to assess him mentally (again, which we knew). His hearing, by the way, appears to be fine. We've tried tiptoeing and sneaking and whatnot and he always turns to look - he is good at ignoring I guess. His eyes are also much better than I originally thought - it's when he gets really tired that they roll and cross more. Most of the time they are actually pretty good. He is an adorable little boy, very cute and it is going to be gutwrenching to walk out of that orphanage tomorrow after saying goodbye.
We are planning on send care packages of toys and clothes to Bledi (spelling?) at our hotel and have him bring them to Will and the other kids at the orphanage. We are going to have Keti (the lady from the internet that works for the Italian adoption group) who already knows him, keep an eye on him and help him when she can. Ideally we will somehow figure out how to send additional money for his care to her. One of the other caregivers (Antonela) also said that she would be willing to do whatever she can for him. I don't know what else we can do.
We've got our return flights booked for Thursday via Vienna and Chicago. I guess we come home and try to put the pieces back together and hope for the best for Will and for us. Thanks to everyone for all the support before, during and I'm sure after we get home.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Thursday, November 8, 2007
Help (that being Tad) is on the way!
Tad comes today – I’m sooooo happy. He should be on his way from Tirana to Vlora right now, and probably get here in about 2 more hours or so. I think we are going to move from the Hotel Pavaresia (PAHV are see ah) to another hotel that is closer to the orphanage and has internet in the rooms. I don’t know what the name of this hotel is yet, maybe Saint Tropez? The rooms are smaller there, and it smells kind of funny, so I’m not liking that so much, but it will be nice to have internet all the time. Or supposedly all the time. It is also right at the bottom of the hill by the orphanage so I won’t be walking a half hour each direction anymore (so much for losing weight). Although most of the restaurants are back where I am now, so maybe we’ll be walking for that.
I’ve included some pictures of most of the kids in Will’s age group. They all seem to be very sweet kids, and you can tell they just want attention. I can’t believe that the caregivers will just lock them in the room and let them do whatever. There is one wall that is basically shelves all the way up from the bottom to the top and today when I was there, one of the little girls decided to climb the wall. She’s about 3 maybe, and was about 4 feet off the (concrete) floor and still climbing when I came in. They’ve all got bumps and bruises on them pretty constantly, I get the feeling they fall, run into things or whatnot fairly often. Will had a bloody nose when I came yesterday, and when I went to look at it and see if he was OK, he head butted me and gave me a bloody lip. None of the other kids even batted an eye, so I think it must be a routine sight.
It’s warm again today, I’d say high 60’s or low 70’s. It gets pretty chilly at night though. I forgot a coat so when I’ve been at the internet café in the evenings, I’m actually kind of cold. It has been sunny every day this week and no rain. I hear that it snowed at home and when I looked at the temperature it said it was 27 degrees. Can’t say I miss that.
Cydil, the people at the internet café remember you and your husband. They asked how Elisona is doing and I showed them your blog – they were glad to see her and say she looks very happy! From what they were telling me, it sounds like the wife works for maybe the Italian equivalent of Bethany – how weird is that? I guess Vlora is a pretty small in some ways. Did you talk to them much?
Vlora is a regular city, however you will randomly see goats, chickens, turkeys and cows walking around by the orphanage. You’ll also see cats (and from the looks of them they are wild) and dogs (same, pretty mangy looking) walking around with the chickens and turkeys – I’d think they’d be trying to catch them. Maybe they peck them? The animals are all scrounging for food. Some of the dogs look like they are maybe blind –the eyes are all cloudy. Some of the cats look like they have been in a lot of fights and are missing an eye or an ear. This is a tough place for animals. I have a hard time feeling sorry for the dogs right now as they are still barking EVERY night and keeping me up for hours on end. Maybe that will be different at the other hotel.
I took Will out in the little playground at the orphanage today. He wore the pink boots again. The kids can’t really walk well in shoes –I suppose they pretty much never have them on. Well, and I think they are the wrong size. He didn’t like the playground stuff, but kind of seemed to like walking through the weeds. They don’t have a lawn mower so it’s pretty high. I didn’t let him do that much though because yesterday I saw a rat in the grass (not at the orphanage, but near it) and I don’t want to see another. I think maybe there are rats because there is kind of a lot of garbage all over. Remind me to thank our garbage men when I get home.
Will is generally calmer when he is not around people. And I think maybe he is at his worst around other kids, which you would think would be the opposite. When I’ve brought him in the one room that has some toys, he doesn’t really have any interest in the toys. He is much more interesting in opening and closing the door, moving furniture or sitting and rocking. The toys, he’ll hold for less than a minute maybe, and then throw them. Yesterday he actually picked one up and kind of looked at it a bit before throwing it though. I’m having a hard time knowing if something is wrong or if he is a stubborn little imp that wants his own way?
I know that some of the medical records information that I’ve been given is wrong. For example there are conflicting dates on his birthdate, date of when he came to the orphanage, and one of the forms that has a signature stamp of a doctor, apparently isn’t in that doctor’s handwriting. There is also conflicting information about his health history like previous illnesses, etc. At what weight are babies considered premature in the U.S? Any idea how long a 4.4 pound baby would typically be in the hospital? Is that very small? How about 5.95 pounds? Alma told me the other day that most babies in Albania are in the hospital for at least a month after birth – but then I heard last night that it’s only a couple days –just like at home, longer if something is wrong. How do you know who to believe?
I’m at the internet café right now but the internet is not working and I can’t actually post this until after it comes back up. As it is 1:50 and the power goes out at 2 for a couple hours, I most likely won’t get this posted until later tonight, assuming it comes back up then.
I’m off to the hotel to wait for Tad!!!
I’ve included some pictures of most of the kids in Will’s age group. They all seem to be very sweet kids, and you can tell they just want attention. I can’t believe that the caregivers will just lock them in the room and let them do whatever. There is one wall that is basically shelves all the way up from the bottom to the top and today when I was there, one of the little girls decided to climb the wall. She’s about 3 maybe, and was about 4 feet off the (concrete) floor and still climbing when I came in. They’ve all got bumps and bruises on them pretty constantly, I get the feeling they fall, run into things or whatnot fairly often. Will had a bloody nose when I came yesterday, and when I went to look at it and see if he was OK, he head butted me and gave me a bloody lip. None of the other kids even batted an eye, so I think it must be a routine sight.
It’s warm again today, I’d say high 60’s or low 70’s. It gets pretty chilly at night though. I forgot a coat so when I’ve been at the internet café in the evenings, I’m actually kind of cold. It has been sunny every day this week and no rain. I hear that it snowed at home and when I looked at the temperature it said it was 27 degrees. Can’t say I miss that.
Cydil, the people at the internet café remember you and your husband. They asked how Elisona is doing and I showed them your blog – they were glad to see her and say she looks very happy! From what they were telling me, it sounds like the wife works for maybe the Italian equivalent of Bethany – how weird is that? I guess Vlora is a pretty small in some ways. Did you talk to them much?
Vlora is a regular city, however you will randomly see goats, chickens, turkeys and cows walking around by the orphanage. You’ll also see cats (and from the looks of them they are wild) and dogs (same, pretty mangy looking) walking around with the chickens and turkeys – I’d think they’d be trying to catch them. Maybe they peck them? The animals are all scrounging for food. Some of the dogs look like they are maybe blind –the eyes are all cloudy. Some of the cats look like they have been in a lot of fights and are missing an eye or an ear. This is a tough place for animals. I have a hard time feeling sorry for the dogs right now as they are still barking EVERY night and keeping me up for hours on end. Maybe that will be different at the other hotel.
I took Will out in the little playground at the orphanage today. He wore the pink boots again. The kids can’t really walk well in shoes –I suppose they pretty much never have them on. Well, and I think they are the wrong size. He didn’t like the playground stuff, but kind of seemed to like walking through the weeds. They don’t have a lawn mower so it’s pretty high. I didn’t let him do that much though because yesterday I saw a rat in the grass (not at the orphanage, but near it) and I don’t want to see another. I think maybe there are rats because there is kind of a lot of garbage all over. Remind me to thank our garbage men when I get home.
Will is generally calmer when he is not around people. And I think maybe he is at his worst around other kids, which you would think would be the opposite. When I’ve brought him in the one room that has some toys, he doesn’t really have any interest in the toys. He is much more interesting in opening and closing the door, moving furniture or sitting and rocking. The toys, he’ll hold for less than a minute maybe, and then throw them. Yesterday he actually picked one up and kind of looked at it a bit before throwing it though. I’m having a hard time knowing if something is wrong or if he is a stubborn little imp that wants his own way?
I know that some of the medical records information that I’ve been given is wrong. For example there are conflicting dates on his birthdate, date of when he came to the orphanage, and one of the forms that has a signature stamp of a doctor, apparently isn’t in that doctor’s handwriting. There is also conflicting information about his health history like previous illnesses, etc. At what weight are babies considered premature in the U.S? Any idea how long a 4.4 pound baby would typically be in the hospital? Is that very small? How about 5.95 pounds? Alma told me the other day that most babies in Albania are in the hospital for at least a month after birth – but then I heard last night that it’s only a couple days –just like at home, longer if something is wrong. How do you know who to believe?
I’m at the internet café right now but the internet is not working and I can’t actually post this until after it comes back up. As it is 1:50 and the power goes out at 2 for a couple hours, I most likely won’t get this posted until later tonight, assuming it comes back up then.
I’m off to the hotel to wait for Tad!!!
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
What day is it?
I'm losing track of the days, not sure what day it is anymore. I know Tad comes soon and I can't wait for that. He leaves tomorrow and arrives the next day - he won't stay over in Tirana like I did, but will be brought straight down. I'm glad - it's been a long week.
Today Will & I went for a walk with the other couple and the little girl they are adopting. Went do to the beach at the bottom of the hill. I actually got to hold him while sitting for a couple of minutes, without him fighting against me the whole time. The orphanage staff bundles these kids up more for an outing in the 60's than some parents do in Minnesota in the winter. They wanted him to wear a snowmobile type suit. We went with a puffy red coat and little pink boots. They didn't really fit and I'm sure they must have been uncomfortable.
I don't know what to think about his condition and the things I have been hearing and seeing. I do know that Tad is doing everything he can on his end to find out what he can. I don't even want to think about it anymore. I am going to walk to the orphanage, twice a day and play like I've been doing and hope I have an overactive and paranoid imagination.
Hope all is well back home. Linds, it sounds like Tad has not gone to the bank or dealt with any mail stuff, so if you guys could do it that would be great. Did the signature stamps show up? I'm going to bed.
Today Will & I went for a walk with the other couple and the little girl they are adopting. Went do to the beach at the bottom of the hill. I actually got to hold him while sitting for a couple of minutes, without him fighting against me the whole time. The orphanage staff bundles these kids up more for an outing in the 60's than some parents do in Minnesota in the winter. They wanted him to wear a snowmobile type suit. We went with a puffy red coat and little pink boots. They didn't really fit and I'm sure they must have been uncomfortable.
I don't know what to think about his condition and the things I have been hearing and seeing. I do know that Tad is doing everything he can on his end to find out what he can. I don't even want to think about it anymore. I am going to walk to the orphanage, twice a day and play like I've been doing and hope I have an overactive and paranoid imagination.
Hope all is well back home. Linds, it sounds like Tad has not gone to the bank or dealt with any mail stuff, so if you guys could do it that would be great. Did the signature stamps show up? I'm going to bed.
Monday, November 5, 2007
Griff
Mom -make Griff mind you when you walk him -please do not let him run and pull you -he's too big for that and he will absolutely walk by your side if you tell him to. He will walk by my side and not pull at all because he knows better.
Monday morning
Went to the orphanage this morning and took some videos. I'm trying to put them on YouTube so that you can see them, but I'm having trouble with that. If anyone knows how to do that, let me know. I've created an account and gone through the steps to upload (and they are only like 3-5 minutes long) but they don't seem to upload -I don't know if it is a slow connection or what.
Tad says I need to find myself an interpreter to come with me over to the orphanage so that I can ask questions. It doesn't appear that some of the information that we were given about Will is accurate. For example, there is no way he is pointing to body parts. They said he could also make lines or scribbles on a paper, I don't see that. Today when I came, they had pretty much all the kids in a kind of classroom coloring and doing a little art project, but Will was not one of them. I tried to get him to color later but when I put the crayon in his hand it's like he just goes limp, doesn't want anything to do with it. I try to point to pictures in books, or the family pictures I brought, and he won't even look -just grabs it and throws it.
I can't really see how/if he plays with other kids either. When I get there, Will & I usually go in a separate room for awhile, when I come back down the hall to see the other kids they are typically shut in another room kind of left to their own devices with no adults in there. So I try to go in and see how he is with just me and the other kids, but then it's like the ladies think they should be in there too so they come in and I can't tell. Also, I can' t just put him in there with the other kids as it's like as soon as they see that I am looking they try to be interacting with the kids instead of sitting in their area chatting. I want to see him by himself with kids and I haven't seen that.
I've tried to read things to him, or point things out but he has no interest. I am worried. Alma from Bethany tells me this is normal delays (she called today, and she speaks English), but it seems that other kids that appear to be about his age aren't like that? I also talked to her about how he won't even let me sit down with him if other people are around, I told her I was concerned about flying home, clearly he will need to be able to sit down for a flight. A 9.5 hour flight no less. She says he'd be fine, he just knows these people so that's why he won't sit with me. I don't know what to believe/think/feel.
Skype is not so good for communicating sometimes. Tad can usually hear me, but I cannot hear him most of the time. I don't know if it is a problem with his microphone, or what. I guess we should have taken more time to figure it out before I left.
The other couple from the U.S. arrived in Vlora today -I'm kind of confused about that too, as their court date is the same as ours, so why did I need to be here earlier than they did? They are also booked to come home in early December? It is very hard as we get confusing information on many things.
I'm going to go try to find an interpreter now that can go with me to the orphanage. That should be easy. The power just went out for the normal afternoon shut off, so I'd better run.
Tad says I need to find myself an interpreter to come with me over to the orphanage so that I can ask questions. It doesn't appear that some of the information that we were given about Will is accurate. For example, there is no way he is pointing to body parts. They said he could also make lines or scribbles on a paper, I don't see that. Today when I came, they had pretty much all the kids in a kind of classroom coloring and doing a little art project, but Will was not one of them. I tried to get him to color later but when I put the crayon in his hand it's like he just goes limp, doesn't want anything to do with it. I try to point to pictures in books, or the family pictures I brought, and he won't even look -just grabs it and throws it.
I can't really see how/if he plays with other kids either. When I get there, Will & I usually go in a separate room for awhile, when I come back down the hall to see the other kids they are typically shut in another room kind of left to their own devices with no adults in there. So I try to go in and see how he is with just me and the other kids, but then it's like the ladies think they should be in there too so they come in and I can't tell. Also, I can' t just put him in there with the other kids as it's like as soon as they see that I am looking they try to be interacting with the kids instead of sitting in their area chatting. I want to see him by himself with kids and I haven't seen that.
I've tried to read things to him, or point things out but he has no interest. I am worried. Alma from Bethany tells me this is normal delays (she called today, and she speaks English), but it seems that other kids that appear to be about his age aren't like that? I also talked to her about how he won't even let me sit down with him if other people are around, I told her I was concerned about flying home, clearly he will need to be able to sit down for a flight. A 9.5 hour flight no less. She says he'd be fine, he just knows these people so that's why he won't sit with me. I don't know what to believe/think/feel.
Skype is not so good for communicating sometimes. Tad can usually hear me, but I cannot hear him most of the time. I don't know if it is a problem with his microphone, or what. I guess we should have taken more time to figure it out before I left.
The other couple from the U.S. arrived in Vlora today -I'm kind of confused about that too, as their court date is the same as ours, so why did I need to be here earlier than they did? They are also booked to come home in early December? It is very hard as we get confusing information on many things.
I'm going to go try to find an interpreter now that can go with me to the orphanage. That should be easy. The power just went out for the normal afternoon shut off, so I'd better run.
Sunday, November 4, 2007
Sunday night
Well another day closer to Tad coming, I'll be happy about that. It is kind of lonely, but I am getting my routine down. I get up, have little roll & some kind of green juice (I don't know what it is, but it's good), then walk to the orphanage, play awhile with Will, walk back, go to the internet cafe for a couple hours, walk back to the orphanage, play some more, walk back so I can be back to the hotel area before dark, read for one hour, have dinner, and then the internet cafe for another hour or so, and then if I'm ambitious watch a movie or read. I've already read 3 of my 6 books and I've only been gone since Wednesday. I should be able to quote them verbatim by the time I get home.
I've started to wear my iPod on my walks to and from, I haven't seen any other iPods here, and I think most people haven't either as they generally didn't look at me walking, but now they all look. Either that or I'm looking smoking hot from 3 days of exercise -HA! It makes me wish I brought my sneaks though, I'd be ready for another half marathon by the time I got back if I had.
I slept 12 hours last night -woke up once or twice, but went back to sleep. I finally feel caught up, thank you Sominex. The dogs also weren't barking last night and I think that helped.
Yesterday afternoon the orphanage gate was locked so I didn't get to get in to visit. This morning it was too, but the lady in the apartment next door was able to yell to someone inside to come and unlock it. I wrote a note with a time on it and they must have understood because they were watching for me this afternoon. This morning I tried to see how Will would play with other kids, and he doesn't really. When I am there, he wants to be held standing up (me, not him) and gets very upset if I try to sit with him....I'm not sure how that will work on the airplane. Any one feel like ponying up to pay for a charter flight home? I bet the other passengers on our return flight will wish they had. In any case, I think he has a hard time seeing anything to really be interested in it. He wants to be held, but not really cuddled if that makes sense. I fed him his dinner, some kind of cereal porridge or something -not banana thank goodness. Some of the kids eat sandwiches, the littler ones each this porridge. To feed them goes like this: you sit on the couch, chair or whatever, the little one comes up between your legs facing you, has a cloth diaper kind of thing wrapped around their front, and then their face kind of is eye level with the bowl and you spoon it in with a grown-up spoon. In the time it took me to feed Will, the caregiver fed three other kids, and got sandwiches for the rest.
They don't really have any toys to play with. They have a bunch of stuffed animals that have seen better days, and they don't really like them. The times I've been there, the only other toys I've seen are one top, and a plastic telephone handle. They all want to be held, and there is a lot of crying going on. It is very hard to not go over to try to comfort someone who is crying, as someone is almost always crying and as soon as I put down Will, he starts crying too.
It's pretty hard going there - and really hard going there alone. I haven't seen the other couple since that first night in Tirana, I'm not sure where they are as they should be staying in the same hotel as I am, and as I would think they would be also visiting the orphanage. Maybe something came up and they aren't here yet? Or maybe they are taking the bus and that's why I don't see them walking. The younger children are on different floor -maybe that is why I haven't seen them at the orphanage? I tried to ask if they had been there, but I'm never sure if I am understood.
The absolutely most frustrating thing about being here is not being able to ask questions about Will. It for sure would not have helped for me to be staying in Tirana, that actually would have been worse as then I would have gotten merely a glimpse with the little bit of time we'd have had on the trips down here. What I want is an American doctor to look at him and tell me what they think. Someone that I know I can trust (I know, mark that down, you heard me talk about 1. wanting a doctor and 2. trusting one, all in one sentence). I am worried that if he has some sort of ear infection and we take him on a plane, he could have permanent damage done to his hearing. Anyone know a pediatrician that is free to fly to Albania? We'd pay for it and I'm not kidding.
I brought my iPod in to let the kids hear it tonight. There are maybe 12 in the room. There were about 8 that were all clustered around and kept saying what must mean "my turn," or "again," or something. They liked it. Will HATED it, wouldn't let me get it near his ears -so maybe he does have an ear infection. He was also not one of the ones that came around trying to see what I had, even before I tried to have him listen to it. I'm worried about him.
Maybe I am being paranoid, it will help to have Tad here. He's much better at seeing the forest, I get caught up in the trees. He leaves in three days, gets here in 5 and I can't wait.
One thing -if someone at some point before we come home could go to my house and box up all the stuff in my china cabinet and move it and the cabinet to the basement laundry (slash storage of all the extra furniture) room that would be most helpful. Will throws everything that he can get ahold of. He throws hard.
I hope Jordan had a good birthday party - sounds like everyone had fun! I'm sorry we weren't there. I hope Griffy is behaving himself. I heard about the Kimmes' and it makes me really sad. I feel bad for their families and Joe Sr. Makes me worry about Dad & Rick too. Did Dad get the track?
I've started to wear my iPod on my walks to and from, I haven't seen any other iPods here, and I think most people haven't either as they generally didn't look at me walking, but now they all look. Either that or I'm looking smoking hot from 3 days of exercise -HA! It makes me wish I brought my sneaks though, I'd be ready for another half marathon by the time I got back if I had.
I slept 12 hours last night -woke up once or twice, but went back to sleep. I finally feel caught up, thank you Sominex. The dogs also weren't barking last night and I think that helped.
Yesterday afternoon the orphanage gate was locked so I didn't get to get in to visit. This morning it was too, but the lady in the apartment next door was able to yell to someone inside to come and unlock it. I wrote a note with a time on it and they must have understood because they were watching for me this afternoon. This morning I tried to see how Will would play with other kids, and he doesn't really. When I am there, he wants to be held standing up (me, not him) and gets very upset if I try to sit with him....I'm not sure how that will work on the airplane. Any one feel like ponying up to pay for a charter flight home? I bet the other passengers on our return flight will wish they had. In any case, I think he has a hard time seeing anything to really be interested in it. He wants to be held, but not really cuddled if that makes sense. I fed him his dinner, some kind of cereal porridge or something -not banana thank goodness. Some of the kids eat sandwiches, the littler ones each this porridge. To feed them goes like this: you sit on the couch, chair or whatever, the little one comes up between your legs facing you, has a cloth diaper kind of thing wrapped around their front, and then their face kind of is eye level with the bowl and you spoon it in with a grown-up spoon. In the time it took me to feed Will, the caregiver fed three other kids, and got sandwiches for the rest.
They don't really have any toys to play with. They have a bunch of stuffed animals that have seen better days, and they don't really like them. The times I've been there, the only other toys I've seen are one top, and a plastic telephone handle. They all want to be held, and there is a lot of crying going on. It is very hard to not go over to try to comfort someone who is crying, as someone is almost always crying and as soon as I put down Will, he starts crying too.
It's pretty hard going there - and really hard going there alone. I haven't seen the other couple since that first night in Tirana, I'm not sure where they are as they should be staying in the same hotel as I am, and as I would think they would be also visiting the orphanage. Maybe something came up and they aren't here yet? Or maybe they are taking the bus and that's why I don't see them walking. The younger children are on different floor -maybe that is why I haven't seen them at the orphanage? I tried to ask if they had been there, but I'm never sure if I am understood.
The absolutely most frustrating thing about being here is not being able to ask questions about Will. It for sure would not have helped for me to be staying in Tirana, that actually would have been worse as then I would have gotten merely a glimpse with the little bit of time we'd have had on the trips down here. What I want is an American doctor to look at him and tell me what they think. Someone that I know I can trust (I know, mark that down, you heard me talk about 1. wanting a doctor and 2. trusting one, all in one sentence). I am worried that if he has some sort of ear infection and we take him on a plane, he could have permanent damage done to his hearing. Anyone know a pediatrician that is free to fly to Albania? We'd pay for it and I'm not kidding.
I brought my iPod in to let the kids hear it tonight. There are maybe 12 in the room. There were about 8 that were all clustered around and kept saying what must mean "my turn," or "again," or something. They liked it. Will HATED it, wouldn't let me get it near his ears -so maybe he does have an ear infection. He was also not one of the ones that came around trying to see what I had, even before I tried to have him listen to it. I'm worried about him.
Maybe I am being paranoid, it will help to have Tad here. He's much better at seeing the forest, I get caught up in the trees. He leaves in three days, gets here in 5 and I can't wait.
One thing -if someone at some point before we come home could go to my house and box up all the stuff in my china cabinet and move it and the cabinet to the basement laundry (slash storage of all the extra furniture) room that would be most helpful. Will throws everything that he can get ahold of. He throws hard.
I hope Jordan had a good birthday party - sounds like everyone had fun! I'm sorry we weren't there. I hope Griffy is behaving himself. I heard about the Kimmes' and it makes me really sad. I feel bad for their families and Joe Sr. Makes me worry about Dad & Rick too. Did Dad get the track?
Saturday, November 3, 2007
Day 2
Sunny and warm, it must be in the 70's, I bet you all wish it were like that back home. Today is a better day, I feel better, but am still tired. There are a lot of dogs that bark all night long which has kept me from sleeping, tonight maybe a sleeping pill.
Went to see Will first thing this morning, he seemed glad to see me. I'm trying to post a couple of pictures, so you should be able to see some too. Brought a couple of books to read to him, but I'm not so sure he was interested in them, and one was even about race cars (don't tell Dad). I think he can hear, but maybe not well? Or is he just ignoring since he can't understand me? He doesn't talk at all, makes sounds and laughs and such, but no words. Although, how would I know for that matter? His eyes will for sure need to be looked at -they move around a lot and you can tell he cannot really focus, which I'm sure has got to be about the most aggravating feeling.
I am trying to walk fast on my back and forths twice daily as I want to lose at least a pant size! I'd like to lose maybe like 12 pants sizes! Once Tad gets here I'm sure we won't walk fast, he is more of a strolling walker. They did show me how to take the bus, but I'm not sure I want to do that yet. One, the exercise is good for me, and two, I'm still working on my please, thank you, good morning, good bye, etc. I might wait awhile to graduate to "can you please let me off at the stop for the orphanage." A word about the Albanian language -it is like nothing I've ever spoken, which is really hard -and you can't really guess at it. A lot of Spanish, French, Italian, etc. can be figured out just by seeing the word, not so Albanian. And, for added fun, the way it is written is often nowhere near how it is pronounced. The good thing is that everyone so far has been nice and always helpful. I think the hotel people are watching out for me, although I can't say for sure. They kind of hover near whenever they see me, mabye as 99% of the time I must look a little lost so they kind of direct me when I get turned around. I had dinner in the hotel restaurant last night which was good -spaghetti noodles in garlic & olive oil. Right up my alley, and if I eat like that everyday, I better add a third or fourth roundtrip on foot to the orphanage or I will go UP a pants size.
Today they were going to have the banana thing again for the kids' lunch, I could see it coming and I bolted -my stomach can't handle that right now. I have a hard time with bananas under the best of circumstances. I will go back this afternoon and hopefully be able to feed him dinner - it gets dark very early though. I don't want to walk back and forth by myself after dark alone. There are mostly men that you see out and about -did I already say that? They are the ones you see in the bars, cafes, walking along the street, etc. Except right around the university.
I have my computer set up in the internet cafe that is pretty much right by the hotel. There is one right across the street to, but this one is non-smoking so that's better. The other one is more of a dark, smoky bar -this one feels better. The man who works during the day speaks a little English so he helped me get my computer hooked up to the internet. And I got to finally call Tad today, so that was good.
I wonder if there is a toy store around here, I think books are maybe not such good things as Will can't see well. Maybe balls or something. They let me take him to a separate room to play, but one little girl, Alma, keeps coming to find us too. He was wearing those little yellow pants today. As soon as I figure out how to say "slippers" I'm going to ask to see those cute little ones he was wearing. The ladies there are all very nice -I've met Antonetta, Nicoletta, Tatiana so far. And Olta, the director, who looks like she's in her late 20's or early 30's. Big job for someone young.
Here's what I'm having the most trouble with: 1. my room doesn't have a bathtub -I'm wanting to upgrade to a suite for that reason alone, 2. I'm fighting with my hair, 3. my granola bars that I brought have coconut in them, 4. my dictionary/phrasebook is missing some crucial phrases
Went to see Will first thing this morning, he seemed glad to see me. I'm trying to post a couple of pictures, so you should be able to see some too. Brought a couple of books to read to him, but I'm not so sure he was interested in them, and one was even about race cars (don't tell Dad). I think he can hear, but maybe not well? Or is he just ignoring since he can't understand me? He doesn't talk at all, makes sounds and laughs and such, but no words. Although, how would I know for that matter? His eyes will for sure need to be looked at -they move around a lot and you can tell he cannot really focus, which I'm sure has got to be about the most aggravating feeling.
I am trying to walk fast on my back and forths twice daily as I want to lose at least a pant size! I'd like to lose maybe like 12 pants sizes! Once Tad gets here I'm sure we won't walk fast, he is more of a strolling walker. They did show me how to take the bus, but I'm not sure I want to do that yet. One, the exercise is good for me, and two, I'm still working on my please, thank you, good morning, good bye, etc. I might wait awhile to graduate to "can you please let me off at the stop for the orphanage." A word about the Albanian language -it is like nothing I've ever spoken, which is really hard -and you can't really guess at it. A lot of Spanish, French, Italian, etc. can be figured out just by seeing the word, not so Albanian. And, for added fun, the way it is written is often nowhere near how it is pronounced. The good thing is that everyone so far has been nice and always helpful. I think the hotel people are watching out for me, although I can't say for sure. They kind of hover near whenever they see me, mabye as 99% of the time I must look a little lost so they kind of direct me when I get turned around. I had dinner in the hotel restaurant last night which was good -spaghetti noodles in garlic & olive oil. Right up my alley, and if I eat like that everyday, I better add a third or fourth roundtrip on foot to the orphanage or I will go UP a pants size.
Today they were going to have the banana thing again for the kids' lunch, I could see it coming and I bolted -my stomach can't handle that right now. I have a hard time with bananas under the best of circumstances. I will go back this afternoon and hopefully be able to feed him dinner - it gets dark very early though. I don't want to walk back and forth by myself after dark alone. There are mostly men that you see out and about -did I already say that? They are the ones you see in the bars, cafes, walking along the street, etc. Except right around the university.
I have my computer set up in the internet cafe that is pretty much right by the hotel. There is one right across the street to, but this one is non-smoking so that's better. The other one is more of a dark, smoky bar -this one feels better. The man who works during the day speaks a little English so he helped me get my computer hooked up to the internet. And I got to finally call Tad today, so that was good.
I wonder if there is a toy store around here, I think books are maybe not such good things as Will can't see well. Maybe balls or something. They let me take him to a separate room to play, but one little girl, Alma, keeps coming to find us too. He was wearing those little yellow pants today. As soon as I figure out how to say "slippers" I'm going to ask to see those cute little ones he was wearing. The ladies there are all very nice -I've met Antonetta, Nicoletta, Tatiana so far. And Olta, the director, who looks like she's in her late 20's or early 30's. Big job for someone young.
Here's what I'm having the most trouble with: 1. my room doesn't have a bathtub -I'm wanting to upgrade to a suite for that reason alone, 2. I'm fighting with my hair, 3. my granola bars that I brought have coconut in them, 4. my dictionary/phrasebook is missing some crucial phrases
Friday, November 2, 2007
First day in Vlora
I'm finally here! I'm exhausted, hungry and a bit overwhelmed. Everyone has been great so far -very helpful and nice. I stayed at BATI last night and we left this morning to come to Vlora. We got here for just a few minutes with Will before his nap. It was great -he came right to me and let me hold him. He is cute and seems very friendly. I got to see him for a little bit this afternoon too, after his nap. I walked there from the hotel (a good 1/2 hour one way if you walk fast) but I didn't want to walk back by myself after dark so I didn't stay long. I got to feed him dinner, and I don't know what it was. It kind of looked like a banana soup with lumps of something that looked like cottage cheese? I don't know, but my stomach is feeling kind of iffy and the smell of it wasn't sitting too well with me -he sure seemed to like it though, which is the main thing. Tomorrow I'm planning on going in the morning so I can have more time to play with him. They said I can go for walks with him, which will be nice.
I had some coffee today and it was crazy strong -I'm not used to caffeine anymore and I've kind of felt shaky ever since. Or maybe it is just all catching up with me -I didn't really sleep last night so that is I don't even know how many hours without much sleep.
I had some coffee today and it was crazy strong -I'm not used to caffeine anymore and I've kind of felt shaky ever since. Or maybe it is just all catching up with me -I didn't really sleep last night so that is I don't even know how many hours without much sleep.
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